Strengths and improvement

Strengths:
1. I think that my first paragraph is a strong paragraph because it is telling my reader who I am and what I am going to tell them in my personal memoir.
Improvements:
1. I think though that I need to have a better first few sentences to have a better opening to my personal memoir.
Strengths:
2. That I have all my ideas laid out for the reader, but I need to improve my vocabulary to make my ideas come across in a stronger way, but the ideas and information I have is good.
Improvements:
2. I need to make sure my reader doesn't have to make leaps and jumps to understand what I am trying to say, my reader shouldn't have to work to connect my story. I need to transition better to help them see my point of my memoir.